Where next vs what next?

I struggle with never quite liking where I am. I wish I wasn't this way.

I cherish in me the person of the road, the person of the tent. I can go anywhere, any time. I am portable, flexible, and willing to make drastic external changes in my life, whatever it takes to fully live.

Whenever I feel myself getting a bit bored, I begin to ask, "where next?" Most of the time I carry this nagging feeling--I know I want to go somewhere, but I don't know where. Often this longing for change manifests in thinking about making external changes in my life: a new house to live in (we've moved twice in six months--not really by choice, but actually grateful for the moves), a new place to dream about going to (usually manifesting in asking my husband to consider a job somewhere else on some other continent), a new career, or dreaming about all the things I still want to do in my life.

I have seen and lived in amazing places and I would not change that aspect of my life for anything, but as much as I long for change and action, I also long for stability, for groundedness. This longing sends me then to find peace and contentment in place. I long for a place to root myself and my family. A place to grow through many seasons. A place to observe, to grow, to love. A place to practice being peace. A home.

And yet, recently I realize that while place matters, it is what I am doing, how I am being in this world that makes my spirit feel content and peaceful and homed. For now, I am home educating my children, but I am also writing everyday. And it is in the practice of writing everyday where I am finally feeling grounded. Surprisingly then, place has not given me the insight I thought it would give me. Yes, it gives experiences and beautiful and interesting settings, but it does not give peace. Peace is found in how I am in this world not where I am in this world.

Finally, I am liking how I am in this world because I am doing something that I used to only dream of doing. "I think therefore I am" becomes for me "I am therefore I think." It has to be this way for me. I am a writer, therefore I am writing, is more powerful than I think about writing, therefore I write. The later formula keeps me in the life of the mind and discourages the action of the heart and hand.

Place can set the scene for many marvelous changes, but without practicing what I love, I will not find that grounding I long to find. So, instead of asking, "where next?" I am learning to ask "what next?" I do like new questions.