Learning to leap

This week's practice--learning to leap.

My sabbatical, so far, has been a time for me to take on (or at least consider) lots of spiritual practices that I would otherwise only dream of entertaining. I am amazed at the power of clearing out all the stuff in life that blocks us from our real purpose. Since I am intentionally emptying what was full, I find I have more heart space to contemplate what matters most to me. By saying 'no' to things in my life, I am finding there is an internal landscape yet to meet deep within me--the landscape of my dreams, my patterns, my thoughts and hopes, my creative self. I am also meeting my fears and my creative blocks.

I have this phrase I have been learning to live with for over a year now. It directly counters the largest creative block for me and I have been taking it on as a mantra, using it as a form of medititaion, hoping that my thinking will change if I contemplate it enough.

Abundance comes easily.

Pretty simple, right? Can you believe that abundance comes easily? Not sure I really did until soon after I took this phrase on as my mantra, trying desperately to believe in abundance, I received a check in the mail for £250. Completely unexpected and greatly appreciated, I was surprised. Clearly this was a Divine sign. I needed to pay attention. And I needed to do some serious work to internalize this Divine message.

A year later, another check arrived for roughly the same amount but was sent to my partner for some work he thought he was not getting paid for. Another sign in case I was not listening. Money was coming my way for some reason, especially when my belief in abundance faltered.

At first I tried to contemplate this phrase, listing all sorts of ways in which abundance comes easily: food, shelter, a trip up north, smiles on my childrens' faces. These were ways for me to avoid thinking about the message I was being sent about abundance--that for me it has to do with money!

Unfortunately my experience with money has been directed by two powerful patterns of thinking: one, that I don't have enough (and probably never will) and two, that if I spend too much time thinking about money it will signify a moral flaw. Don't be materialistic, don't desire more money, don't worry about money, don't think about it, don't talk about it. Money only brings greed. These are the messages I hear over and over again in my brain. However, those two checks forced me to think about the money. A small leap for thrifty, slightly moralistic me.

I am more aware now how living by 'I don't have enough' or 'I need to save for some unforeseen reason' directly blocks my creative flow and expression. It directly keeps me from my dream and my life's purpose. I convince myself that since I don't have the money to take a pottery class, I will have to wait. I don't have the money to attend a writing workshop, so wait until next year. My life then becomes about waiting, waiting for money, and not about living fully. It appears that I enjoy standing still instead of leaping toward my dream.

Leaping toward money? Is that it? Or is it that I am leaping toward abundance? Openness? Leaping toward a new pattern? Leaping toward my creative self? My dream?

Today I will practicing leaping on the grass with my children so I remember what it really feels like to leap. Leaping over old patterns, I land on the new.