At the end of every November I begin to think about holiday cards. And for the past several years, I have set out to write a personalized letter to each person. I really want to connect with family and friends I have not seen for years, but those individualized letters never get written. I run out of time. My hand gets too tired. I have a busy life with my children. All excuses that don't sit well with me. I could always start earlier, right, but I never do.
In each card I try to include a few sentences, hoping the person will know that I am thinking of them specifically. I want them to know that I remember their friendship. Maybe this longing for connection stems from my more modern transient lifestyle: I have moved a lot in my adult life, country to country, and as a result, friends and family who were once in close proximity, now live half way around the world. Moving disconnects me from those who know me.
I wish I was better at keeping connected.
This deep longing for connection reappears with each visit from the postman. The cycle is the same. I hear the letters through the mail slot hit the floor. I greet each card with so much excitement. My desire to know some of the details of my friend's life is strong. But then I feel sad because the physical miles are so great. And so are the emotional ones. Why did she move house again? Did she get a new job? Part of the story plot is lost, not included. In front of me are quick brief sentences that leave me with more wondering. And yet I recognize those sentences because they are just like the ones I write in the cards I send. I promise myself that next year I am going to start writing letters even earlier so that I can connect, so that I can know my friend again.
While I am thankful for email and for Skype, I long for sustained connection with those I love. I want to know the details in life but I also want to know what my friends think about. What is most alive in them? What about the world? What about parenting? What books have they read? What are their dreams? Their struggles? Their hopes? Where have they found healing? Holiday cards just don't give out details and neither does email. I am afraid we have become a world that has forgotten the art of letter writing (and maybe the art of story-telling).
Oh, maybe I have it all wrong. Maybe my hopes are really expectations that need to be released. Holiday cards are for saying, "I send you peace and love." That is their purpose, right? And what a lovely message to send to those you love. A lovely message to surround the earth.
Perhaps I need to start writing more letters throughout the year and not leave it for the holiday season. But something in me says that my longing for connection is really about my longing for home, and until I figure out what home really is for me, holiday cards will seem like a small tease.
And what about 'the Christmas letter' - don't you just love 'em? :-)
ReplyDeleteI am torn about Christmas letters. Funny, they don't meet my need for connection because they seem so general. I know I want to hear some of the details of life, but in a more personalized way. Does that make sense?
ReplyDeleteI think Christmas letters must come from a place of wanting connection? What do you think? Scanning the list of needs, I wonder? Maybe someone else's way of finding home?