An Empty Bowl

I have set on my table an empty bowl. It is a piece of pottery that I bought 15 years ago and I have carried it with me to three continents. Just on the inside of the rim are dancing stick figures, looking very primitive, they make one continuous dancing circle, mirroring the shape of the bowl. I have placed it in on my table to remind me that I have emptied my bowl, emptying myself, freeing myself to dream.

My problem with dreams is that I have too many. I have wanted to be a singer since I was 3 years old, a potter since I was 20, an herbalist/gardener since I was 25. A writer since I was born (well, seems like it). I don't know which thread to follow? And I do not know what fear is holding me back.

What I think I really want is to change my path. Or maybe add to it something different. With dreams like these, I could easier join a choir, take singing lessons, volunteer at the botanic garden and learn as I go, you know, make a hobby of my dreams, but really, I want one of these to be something I spend my time doing. I want to be a singer, be a potter, be a gardener, or be a writer. Maybe be all of them!

But I also dream of a landscape with trees, a river, four seasons, a walled garden, a greenhouse, a pond, a log cabin in the woods. So many dreams, I feel overwhelmed, dizzy.

Tonight at dinner I finally began the dance of verbalizing all my dreams aloud to my husband and three children. As we sat around the table, I sent hopes out to the universe for many manifestations. It was funny how my children responded. They jumped right in. My three year old left the table to go draw his house, my daughter got so excited that she said she never wanted to live away from me, and my oldest son asked enthusiastically and hopefully, "how can we find the money to do all of this?" They were right with me in my dreams and I couldn't believe the feeling. I felt free. I felt connected. I felt like I made the first step in a long dance.

When I placed that empty bowl on the table as a reminder of my life, I had no idea what it would spark. Tonight the bowl filled with dreams, dreams that seem more reachable today than they did yesterday. Since deciding to take a sabbatical from my ministry, I am finding the joy in the emptiness of myself, my raw self, and I really really like it.

My empty bowl is now my dancing dream bowl. I wonder what the bowl will bring tomorrow.