Can you remember a recent moment when your child inspired you to be fully alive?
Living in overcrowded downtown Cairo (before I had children) prepared me for parenting. It wasn't always pleasant--pungent smells of trash piled high, burning rubber, a loud and constant chorus of car horns, a layer of black grim covering my floor (and the inside of my nose). Yuk.
But, somehow that city surprised me because amidst all those repulsive sights and sounds and smells, my senses woke up to the amazing migrating bee-eaters that visited our clothes line every May, the voice of a young man practicing Koranic chanting somewhere close by, and the soft feeling of my toes after washing them upon returning to my home each evening.
The shocking, the not-so-desirable, chaotic sounds and smells and sights of a big city was surprising a place of beauty too. Because my senses were so awake to the bad, I was more available to see, hear, and smell the good.
I find it the same with parenting. All the dirty diapers, the cleaning, the washing, the tiredness, the middle of the night calls from an awakened child, all the emotional discharge, all this very ordinary and chaotic life of parenting somehow allows me to catch all the good: recognizing my daughter practicing my favorite song on her violin, the smell of my 4 year old's forehead, the sight of the clean dishes that are waiting to dry. Moments of chaos make me experience fully moments of calm.
I feel more deeply as a parent as my senses are more activated. Always awake, they show me how to experience the unexpected with the expected, the unpleasant with the pleasant, the painful with the joy. And they teach me really useful things like when it is time to sleep, when it is time to listen and to speak, and when it is time to step into living love and compassion.
Do you have a memorable moment or a place when you felt fully alive? Do you experience parenting as a journey into being fully alive?
"the smell of my 4 year old's forehead..." I loved that detail.
ReplyDeleteI feel fully alive with my kids when I put away ALL my agendas other than being with them.
Oh, yes, I want to put away all my agendas (and everyone else's I have taken on as well). I have only just gotten to the point in my life where I remember to ask myself, "why is this important" or "is this what I really want" or "is this really coming from me?" To let go of the agendas is the path to learning the art and nature of being. Thanks for your comment.
ReplyDeleteI am still brand new to this motherhood thing, but I have to agree with both of you. There is so much freedom, joy, and fullness of life to be found in the putting away of unnecessary things.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter has transformed me into someone who no longer despises the first hour or two of the morning. I still wake up a bit groggy and grumpy, but then I look at her. She looks back at me, all smiles, and reminds me that it's a great day to alive.
You are so right, the diapers, mess, the not-so-desirable moments do play such a role, I felt this too. Although in my own case, the lesson was kind of in my own resistance to them. I was surprised when my children were babies/toddlers how resentful I could feel at the 'unpleasant' tasks. I thought I was 'beyond' that kind of reaction. Ha! So it was a wake-up call, to the trap I had fallen into in my spiritual journey - of seeking only the pleasant, the blissful.
ReplyDeleteI think watching my children react to the world is the greatest gift they have given me - being able to see the world as magical again through their eyes. The other day they saw a moving sidewalk for the first time, and were just enraptured. It was just magical to them. A few days ago it was a large black beetle carrying something across the sidewalk. All those things we would just walk on by. This is probably how they contribute most to my sense of being fully alive...
Melissa, There seems to be an eagerness to awaken when we begin our parenting journey. This desire to awaken, for me, is how my spiritual life has so changed since I have become a mother.
ReplyDeleteLisa, Oh, I so know what you mean my falling into the only-seeking-the-pleasant. I think it is only in the last year that this has shifted for me. Now I am trying to embrace the chaos and the less-desirable, trying to give in more to real life so that my spirit can be more full and more real. And yes, all the sidewalk wonderings keep me so alive, so amazed. I think I might start a new spiritual practice called the sidewalk spirit. Peace, Nicki
oh yes, my child keeps me in the moment...but more than that. as you write, he is my spiritual practice. a friend recently left for a 7 day retreat, and asked if there was any way i could go - surely i needed a break & a connection to self. i told her i was getting it...every single day!
ReplyDeleteOh, I understand this. While I make time for meditation/prayer each day, I also think that my children have given me the idea that life is prayer. It is how we live and what we practice each day--motherhood for me--that makes me refreshed. It sustains me. Peace, Nicki
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