Raising children, raising adults

To raise means many things. It means to collect, to cultivate, to voice, to stir, to activate, to gather together. Often times when we speak of parenting, we might use the verb, to raise, as in, we raise our children. I would like to challenge this idea. Do our children, whether it be our own children, a niece, a nephew, or a grandchild, raise us? If you find some truth in this, how then do the children in your life raise you, the parent, the aunt, the adult?

The more I contemplate this idea, and the more I experience my own children and my nieces and nephews, I feel they have more of a hand in raising me. While I have had more life experience and I have acquired more knowledge, there does seem to be something interesting about how the children raise me. Their role in my life surprisingly turns upside down what I thought to be true.

Of course adults have a very formative role in helping children understand how the world works, the importance of holding healthy boundaries, and the deep need we all share for human connection. Parents remind children to stay close, to stay connected. It is the role of the parent to keep that connection open and honest and full of compassion. This is what parents and adults offer to children, I hope, or at least intend to give and to share with growing young ones.

And yet, I keep coming back to this idea that children offer me/us so much more. What they offer is unexpected. It is a gift found in a subtle word or a simple phrase, an expressed sorrow, a cry for justice, or a need to really see and explore the world. If what we offer them is unconditional love and safety, the cultivation of basic needs and a language of love (or at least try to offer this to them), they surprisingly offer something to us that reaches beyond the basic needs and into self-actualization and empowerment.

Living with children raises me, stirs me, activates my spirit. My children cultivate me, so when I find myself saying "I am raising my children," I pause and consider the real raising that is going on.

Join me in this interesting exploration over the next few weeks as I reflect on how children raise parents/adults. I look forward to hearing how you respond to this idea and whether or not you experience children in the similar ways.